Still Adjusting

Eating has become a whole new experience for me now. Since I started on this "conscious" diet a month ago, my whole relationship with food has changed. It used to be that I'd just get up and eat whatever was convenient, which usually meant less than healthy. Now I've actually got to THINK about it. I also have to plan for it, shop for it, and—COOK IT.

Since my mom and I live together, I admit to having been spoiled about this stuff. The kitchen is basically her domain and I honor and respect that (i.e. keep my ass out). I used to try cooking years ago, but having her "suggest" how I should do everything became a little too much and I backed off. I've continued to do some things, but nothing major. I really got into baking which I loved (even thought about being a pastry chef), but the extra 30 lbs. I put on "testing" everything put an end to that dream quick fast.

Now I MUST cook or I don't eat—at least nothing I'm supposed to. Mom's being very supportive though. She's always been health conscious, so what I'm doing isn't completely foreign to her, but she doesn't completely understand everything. I'm still learning about macrobiotics myself, so it's kind of hard explaining it to her, especially the whole yin-yang thing. Her Christian sensibilities aren't quite ready for the Tao of Eating. Despite that, I try to explain some things, but I still get some resistance. "Is this going to be cold? I never heard of rice in a salad," or "Whenever I've eaten quinoa, it's always been plain, like a rice," or "Where is your protein coming from?" Or some other suggestion of what to leave out or put in.

The best part is when she insists on making something the minute I say I'm going to make it, then gets upset when I say it has to be done a certain way. I'm not trying to step on her culinary toes, but in order for me to stick with this, I've got to be fully invested—cooking and all. And I've got to know what goes in everything I eat as much as possible. The thing is, it's hard to explain all that without pressing the insult button.

I don't like arguing with her because I'm always going to be perceived as sensitive and defensive. I just have to learn not to share so much; do what I'm doing and not say anything. But it's not easy. We're very close and she does help me with purchasing some of the ingredients when my money's low (which is most of the time). And our health store trips have become real bonding events. I guess I just have to be patient with her—and me. I'm sure it'll get better as we go along.