For the Love of Blogging

It's been just about a month since my last post. That's the longest I've gone without posting here. On my New Word blog, it's been 3 months! When I started all this back in April, I never thought I'd go a day without blogging. That first week of studio635's existence, I didn't miss a day. I absolutely fell in love with it all. I finally found my medium—and my voice.

Once the fire caught, I couldn't stop myself. In addition to New Word, I started 3 other blogs, including a videoblog. I even had plans to start a photoblog (I actually have a half-assed one on Buzznet, but I wanted a real one that I designed myself). The problem is, I've painted myself into a corner with all of them, and I'm struggling to keep up. Each one, created for different purposes, presents different sets of challenges and demands.

The crazy thing is, this was supposed to be a fun pursuit—freeing even. And it was, in the beginning. The creative process in setting up the blogs was a blast. Coming up with the concept, the design, and tweaking the sidebar to perfection was what set me on. Seeing the whole thing take shape gave me a sense of accomplishment I never experienced elsewhere.

However, as time went on it actually became work. This labor of love had turned into a dreaded chore. The pressure I put on myself to post has created a strange kind of guilt. It's as if I'm letting people down somehow; like I'm going back on some kind of unspoken vow or something, even though I don't get many hits, and probably have only a handful of readers (if that).

It wasn't supposed to be that way though. It really was supposed to be a labor of love. This was supposed to come from my heart. No matter what else was going on in my life, this was the one place I could put it all and let go. (Besides my private journal.) This blog, especially, was supposed to be my refuge, my home away from home, as well as a place to share with others. Instead, it's become just something else I have to do, another task to be completed.

I know in the grand scheme of things it's only a blog, and I know I put way too much importance on trivial things, but that's how I feel right now. If I can't put it here, where can I put it?

As this new year begins today, I really do want to have some fun. Not to take everything so seriously. It's time to lighten up and really enjoy life, and get back to why I started blogging in the first place.

Peace & Love in 2006.